1st anniversary is coming..
It will be almost one year when I travelled to Finland. I left my home country in very unstable mental condition when I was refused by two boys in a very short time. So then, trip to Finland was a nice opportunity to start over when the distance and time was involved in healing of my damaged soul.
I have found a wonderful world in Finland.. cold and freezing of course, but after a while it was so warm there. I consider myself as a person with something what is commonly noticed as "open mind". I have never thought that it can be opened much wider but it was. Thanks to Kirsi, girl with I truly fell in love.
And for a time it was good. I had good performance in my academic research and was enjoying life among Finns and fellow students from Europe. Like many times before in my life I have found that those things are not senteced to last in my context. Moments of clear happiness are quickly replaced with moments of deep sadness. Before I left Finland I was greatly supported with the "one" currently situated in Prague. By some strange twist of fate, he was in a similar situation like I was. Well, not that similar but let it be. To be absolutely honest when things with Kirsi started to go wrong I came across with the feeling that I wish to be with him, hold him so firmly. The very first evening I came back from Finland we met each other and then I was so certain.. yeah, I was in that deep shit again. In a way you may think that I'm falling in love very quickly. But when I start to feel something, it is so strong that I can't help myself in any way. Everlasting problem of my relationships is the fact that there is some very unknown constant in my personality which causes lost of interest of my partner after a time. To find it out is something what I think is a big challenge for me..
By the tone of words you have read beforehand you probably spotted that after six very happy months I spent with "him" I am alone again. He's still in love with a boy, with his the "one". Since I was aware of it I believed that I can help him to get over it by the love I'm feeling to him. But, well, I didn't make it. It created a virus so lethal the soul is dying now.
Time to shake off that virus whatever instruments to use. I've tried drugs in a time before when it causes a big move in my mind. That travel through stars was very potent for the future but I'm not sure if I can handle it again. It can easily happen that I'll freeze in an unknown universe of my mind forever. Now I'm stucked on "It will never stop", "It's the same thing he did to you, don't you see?" and "It's harder than I thought".
So happy first anniversary..
I have found a wonderful world in Finland.. cold and freezing of course, but after a while it was so warm there. I consider myself as a person with something what is commonly noticed as "open mind". I have never thought that it can be opened much wider but it was. Thanks to Kirsi, girl with I truly fell in love.
And for a time it was good. I had good performance in my academic research and was enjoying life among Finns and fellow students from Europe. Like many times before in my life I have found that those things are not senteced to last in my context. Moments of clear happiness are quickly replaced with moments of deep sadness. Before I left Finland I was greatly supported with the "one" currently situated in Prague. By some strange twist of fate, he was in a similar situation like I was. Well, not that similar but let it be. To be absolutely honest when things with Kirsi started to go wrong I came across with the feeling that I wish to be with him, hold him so firmly. The very first evening I came back from Finland we met each other and then I was so certain.. yeah, I was in that deep shit again. In a way you may think that I'm falling in love very quickly. But when I start to feel something, it is so strong that I can't help myself in any way. Everlasting problem of my relationships is the fact that there is some very unknown constant in my personality which causes lost of interest of my partner after a time. To find it out is something what I think is a big challenge for me..
By the tone of words you have read beforehand you probably spotted that after six very happy months I spent with "him" I am alone again. He's still in love with a boy, with his the "one". Since I was aware of it I believed that I can help him to get over it by the love I'm feeling to him. But, well, I didn't make it. It created a virus so lethal the soul is dying now.
Time to shake off that virus whatever instruments to use. I've tried drugs in a time before when it causes a big move in my mind. That travel through stars was very potent for the future but I'm not sure if I can handle it again. It can easily happen that I'll freeze in an unknown universe of my mind forever. Now I'm stucked on "It will never stop", "It's the same thing he did to you, don't you see?" and "It's harder than I thought".
So happy first anniversary..
posted by salusa at 12:34 ip.
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